Double Standard Can End Anytime Already

OK, this is being created on my cell phone in the ballet studio parking lot.  In addition to my usual learning disabled poor spelling and grammar, I am guessing there will be some lovely auto corrects as well. 

I haven’t written in a while since after the death of my friend’s mother (mentioned in the previous post) followed by the death of my cat, there honestly hasn’t been much funny kid stuff going on since the oldest child is having a seriously rough time and is really struggling with the whole death concept.  I know there is humor and wisdom there but I haven’t unearthed it yet.

So, unluckily for those reading this, you are getting me on a soapbox.

I really want to know why in 2014 there is still a double standard for women?  I keep trying to think it isn’t here.  I want desperately to believe that I am just making this stuff up.  I want to think I am just being sensitive and the country hasn’t collectively lost its mind.

This summer, I had a friend furious after attending a meeting about her daughter going on a 4-H trip where the daughter was going to be forced to work on a farm, in 90°+ temps, in long pants because “it is too distracting for boys when the girls wear shorts.”  The coach made it much better when he mentioned that not everyone has the same body composition (I can’t remember the exact wording but it was basically – don’t let those fat girls wear shorts)!  This wasn’t an isolated incidence it is happening all over the country.  My favorite article was one where boys in a school decided to show solidarity by wearing super short-shorts to highlight the ridiculous nature of it all.  It is sadly the only hopeful thing I have read on this issue.

The topic on the radio and social media today is how one of the Kardashian women decided to pose nude for a magazine.  Apparently, people are upset she choose to do this because she is a mother.  I am shocked to learn there is something I am no longer allowed to do because I am a mom!  I obviously was never naked before I became a mom.  And I would be horrified if my children ever grew up and realized I had a female form under my baggy sweatpants and t-shirts.  Oh wait . . . my girls already see me naked.  All. The. Time.  I am pretty sure my oldest would think it was an excellent idea if I could figure out a way to capitalize being naked and save up for her college (which since at 9, she is still trying to decide between Georgia Tech and Stanford, I may need to look into selling some nude photos)!

For the record, I have only had nude photos taken since becoming a mother.  Most of them were taken by my oldest while I was breast feeding her little sister.  We did delete them from her digital camera since she was so excited to be a big sister she was showing everyone (big thank you to my friend Brian who informed me that my daughter was going around showing topless pictures of me).  My only other posing for nude photos was for my medical file (taken by my fabulous Aunt who is a nurse for the plastic surgeon I was seeing).  So, these nude photos are probably “acceptable” nude photos for a mom.  Why the hell can’t a mom be nude and sexy too? 

In the 80s, Rosie O’Donnell had a routine about how if she looked the way some people looked she would be naked in the frozen food section of the neighborhood grocery store.  If you want to be naked, be naked.  If you want to take sexy photos, go for it.  If you want be covered, be covered.  Choose what works for you.  Let other people choose what works for them!

The Beauty in the Flaws

So, it has been a pretty intense and hectic last few days.  There may be some rambling involved.

I am a parent whose family celebrates Halloween, so of course, there were sugared up, excited, and tired kids.  There was a little crying and whining.  There was also a person who built a pirate ship in their front yard and opened up their house to strangers in order to share some Halloween spirit.  There was a guy walking on stilts in the neighborhood dressed up as the pumpkin king . . . .fricking stilts!  To say the least I find our Halloween rituals to be magical, so the other things are pretty quickly forgotten.

That is until November 1st . . . .

The children are over the excitement.  They are grumpy and one was actually growling.  And they are asking for candy every. 10. seconds.  I have an eating disorder.  The combination of grumpy, high maintenance kids, and non-stop talk of candy is really hard to say the least.

However, none of this even matters because on November 2nd a dear friend’s mother passed away.  She hadn’t been feeling well, but it still came as a shock.  She was in the hospital and my family and I were waiting for news but not wanting to bother my friend by  asking her for constant updates.  I am heartbroken for my friend and her family.

So today I was with her as we went about the mundane activities involved with the planning of a funeral.  It was sad, really tragically sad.  I cried a few times.  I also laughed a lot.  Unfortunately, I have put together a few funerals in my time.  I am always amazed how the sorrow can turn to humor and back to sorrow so quickly.  I am also amazed at the network of love around the people in our lives.  We all have different networks of friends where we don’t necessarily know every single person our friends know.  As we went around today we ran into some of her friends who I did not know, who came up and gave condolences with tears in their eyes.  They too love my friend and her family and wanted to give her all of the love and support they could.  It was beautiful.  Even in terrible loss, I can see the beauty in love.  Well, that is not necessarily true, I didn’t see it when planning my grandparent’s funerals.  It was there.  I just couldn’t get past the pain to see it.  What I could do was share laughter and memories with people.  That was where I personally found comfort.

I am not sure why but this has all made me think about my husband and my premarital counseling.  After giving us psychological test of some sort about how well we knew and understood the other one, the minister who married us said “your scores were the closest I have seen.  You two truly know and understand each other.  There is no greater gift than to stand before God and say that you love someone not only for their strengths but for their flaws as well.”

I think of his words often and under all sorts of different circumstances.  I think of them when my husband is driving me nuts.  I think of them when the kids do something that makes me so angry, yet my love for them is never in question.  I think of them when a friends are trying to act like their life is going great when it seems like they may be falling apart.  I love the flaws.  I love the flaws in my family, friends, and in life itself.  They make me appreciate the strengths.  They make me admire the person.  They make me find hope in situations that feel hopeless.  They make me appreciate beauty.

It was a draining day and I know how I feel is nothing compared to my friend.  I have had a few friends loose parents lately.  They lost them too young.  I still have my parents so I can only imagine their pain in the abstract.  I never know what to say or do.

I was listening to a text my friend received.  It was eloquent and beautifully written.  I am in awe of people who can write their condolences in an elegant and beautiful way.  I told her I never know what to say so it always ends up with “I am so sorry that really sucks.”  She agreed the text was beautiful.  She said she loves the messages in all of their different forms.  She told me that sometimes you need the eloquent friend and sometimes you need the friend who says “this sucks and I will hold your tissue while you blow your nose.”  I have always found that she appreciates my flaws.

I am flawed and I over share.  I want to steal my kids candy.  I want to have someone else do my homework tonight.  I can be self absorbed.  I can be easily distracted.  I can be materialistic.  But amongst these flaws I feel human.  I feel sad, happy, sorrowful, hopeful, and many other conflicting things right now.  I feel blessed to have honest and realistic friends who show pain and who don’t shy away when I show pain.  Over all I feel loved.  I hope everyone has that in their life.

Oh yeah and I ramble. . . .

–Megan

Modern Family Has Nothing on Us

When I first talk about my family, usually I talk about my husband and my kids.  We are each others’ first and only spouse and we have our two daughters and a cat.  We are almost straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting (well, I guess we would need a dog).  However, looks can be deceiving.  Once I start talking about my Whole Family, thing get complicated quickly.  So much so that my siblings and I have brought parties to a screeching halt while people try and figure out how the hell we are all related.

My siblings and I frequently joke that we need a flow chart.  I have actually tried to draw one a bunch of times but I start inventing family terms that haven’t been created and run out of paper.  I am an only child.  Or I was.  On my Mom’s side of the family I am 1 of 3 kids and on my Dad’s side of the family I am 1 of 4 kids.  So now technically, I am 1 of 6 siblings.  This doesn’t count ex-step siblings or pre-step-siblings that became ex-pre-step-siblings (haven;t seen them in 2 decades, do they don’t really count).

So after much work, I present the Cross Functional Family Flow Chart.  Siblings feel free to print and laminate before our next party or very extended family event.

*Remember when I said to be patient because I have no idea what I am doing?  I can’t for the life of me figure out how to make this big enough that you can read it – but I can link to a .pdf (see below).

 

Cross Functional Family Flow Chart

–Megan

Therapy Fund Parenting

Ok, I have been told it is time to try a blog.  I have no idea what I am doing so please be patient.  I may suck at this for a while!  I plan to put my thoughts on parenting, stories about the kids, and anything else that amuses me here.  I figure if I am going to screw the kids up at least they can have a journal to read so that they know I had the best of intentions.

I am passionate about my family, volunteering, trying to maintain weight loss, women’s rights, LGBT rights, and finding ways to get out of cooking and cleaning.  I like realistic people who will laugh with you about your flaws and share their own.  I am currently a MBA student.  I went back to school partly to be more marketable when I am ready to go back into the outside world and mostly so I could prove to myself that I still am in possession of a functioning brain (even if it is a functioning brain that can’t spell).

I have a 9-year-old daughter who loves order, Science, Logic, Engineering, Ballet, Math, Reading, Music, and Greek Mythology.  Really she is passionate about everything and wants to collect Every Damn Thing Ever.  If she had her way she would be in 45 different clubs and activities a week.  When she was 4, she wanted to be a fairy-princess-ballerina-paleontologist-plumber-doctor-dentist-engineer-lawyer-architect.  I think that still sums her up nicely (although she is very anti-princess now).  She is wickedly smart and stunningly beautiful.  She is funny, but she is also 9, so if you accidently laugh at her she will make you wish you never did because she will drive any joke into the ground and make you want to stab your ears.

I also have a 4-year-old daughter.  I still haven’t figured out where her home planet resides, but I am glad she has decided Earth is an OK place for now.  She is my little creative free spirit.  She is passionate about turtles, ballet, music, art, and headbands.  She does not believe in doing anything because someone else thinks it is a good idea.  She believes she owns the Moon and she can build anything!  If she has a broom, orange safety cones, golf clubs, and a dust pan, she will turn it into a pirate ship.  She builds elaborate structures out of multiple different types of blocks (or anything else that she finds).  She spends most of her time doing things her own way and never accepting help and the rest of the time she is “too little” to do anything that she doesn’t want to do.  My brother says her motto is “Vivian doesn’t give a fuck.”  He is right.  She loves to gives things away and to ignore her parents.  She is also the reason I had to utter “we don’t put M&Ms in our vagina.”

I am married to a brilliant and very funny man.  We meet in 1998 and married in 2003.  I still love and like him.  He is brilliant and supportive.  He is tall, intimidating looking, and quiet.  He says he married me to outsource the talking.  If you meet him he will likely scowl at you.  You should stick around though because he will make you laugh like you have never laughed.  He snores loud enough that I contemplate suffocating him 2 or 3 times a week, but luckily I am awake enough that I know I would be devastated if he was gone.

So I guess that is my start for now.  Hope you are all happy and feeling loved tonight.